Does this fertility drug make me look fat?...

Oy Vey.

I can't believe I'm actually excited to see 141 on my scale.

I've always been a very skinny chick. Nice ass, I was told by many a male admirer in high school and college, but not much else going on. I was really hyper and active and energetic and never really had to worry about my weight.

And then I started TTC.

I went from 113 exactly one year ago to about 128 six months later, and then gained a bunch of weight while taking my first three rounds of clomid. I kept deluding myself that it would be just what I needed because I was going to get pregnant and going to get lots of morning sickness, and this would give me a head start on that ever-so-enchanting baby belly.

I went to Target to buy all new pants (size 10) for the summer because I couldn't fit into my old pants (size 6). *sniff* I was saved the indignation of having to try on new shorts because, quite frankly, I refuse to wear shorts when I look like this. I may frighten small children.

I weighed 148 as of 2 weeks ago. Holy crap. That's almost an additional half of myself. It's like I'm a quarter note and someone dotted me.

I had to get my friend Maria to take some pictures of me last weekend for my new website, and I was shocked. I don't remember seeing that extra chin in the mirror... is this camera broken? The lighting must all wrong. Does my monitor need to be adjusted?

I've been very carefully trying to watch what I eat, especially on this fourth dose of clomid (twice as much as the other cycles!). I've been really good about exercising (although I could be better) - I've even started running, which I have never been able to do in the past. Somehow, I've been able to whittle myself down to 141 as of this morning (naked, before eating, after peeing - twice - and exhaling completely). It's a tricky thing to try to lose weight when TTC, and especially while on clomid because ALL I WANT TO DO IS EAT!!!

It's not fair. I should at least be able to enjoy a baby (and the resulting big boobs) if I'm going to be stuck with a mombutt.